May 15, 2011

Living Life in Chapters

"Live your life in chapters. You don’t have to do everything you want to do in life during this chapter of child rearing." - Susan Wise Bauer


These were some words of wisdom I read recently, which really hit a chord for me. I sometimes find myself torn between all the many things I want to do in this lifetime. I began my child rearing years so very young, and I remember telling myself, by the time both my boys graduate high school, I'll only be 37 and 38. Then I can travel, go back and get my PhD if I want, possibly live abroad for a year. I'll have so much time!

Fast forward to 2011. On the eve of turning 37, and with Domi graduating in less than 3 weeks, that time is now. Having given birth to my amazing Sophia 5 years ago, I extended my childrearing chapter, and I relish and am grateful for my opportunity of being home with her during these years. I absolutely LOVE being a homemaker, which I never would have guessed I'd be good at. I want to sew, quilt, knit, and learn how to can tomatoes, and I'm even taking on the job of homeschooling with a co-op next year.

Anybody who knows me, knows, I love teaching. Teaching makes me tick. That's what I went to school for. I'll be teaching part-time next year and I love that I don't have to step foot into a public school to do it. I've also discovered photography in recent years, and this is where I feel like I can tap deep into my creative self, and have found myself with a part-time photography business.

I'm still learning so much. It never ends. Whether it's in education, gardening, or photography workflow (do I use spot metering or partial metering for the dance recital I'm shooting in a few hours?)  I sometimes ask myself, do I need to stop one thing, in order to fully focus and master the other? Am I supposed to be master Educator, Homemaker, or Photographer? My friends and husband know me to be a perfectionist, sometimes obsessive to a point, so not being able to fully immerse myself into something I enjoy immensly, can be hard for me. It can feel like a curse sometimes.

I have to remind myself, my most important job right now, is that of Mother, especially since I'm taking on the responsibility of schooling rather than sending her to school during the week.  I can put on hold some of my goals. And it's ok to give myself permission to live my life in chapters. But I'll still be armed with my camera.

No comments: